Patches
by QueenOfDarkComedy
Summary: When a neighborhood stray cat gets hit by a car...Glen saves it by transferring its soul into a raggedy, old stuffed animal cat toy. All isn't what it seems with Glen's new found animal companion...


"Glen, leave that stupid cat alone. It's dead already anyway..." Glenda said as she and Glen were standing in front of their driveway, outside of the gated part.

Glen had been crying for five minutes straight. A calico tabby cat kept showing up around the perimeter of Jennifer Tilly's old house. It was specifically drawn to Glen, and kept coming up to and rubbing against him, purring as he was walking home from school. Today was different...the kitty Glen came to make friends with didn't come up to him the way he usually does.

Glen found the cat lying in the road, meowing for dear life. Someone had carelessly hit the cat with their car and sped off. Glen was devastated. Barely alive, the cat took its last breaths...Glen stood up.

"Not if I can help it..." he replied, wiping away his tears. He ran in the house and came back out about 45 seconds later, holding a stuffed animal in the form of a cat.

Glenda started to laugh hysterically. "You're kidding me, right?! You...are going to transfer this cat into that old raggedy thing?"

"Shut up, Glenda..." hissed Glen. He placed his hands over the cat and the inanimate stuffed cat toy.

He began to repeat the Damballa chant..."Ade Due Dammmballa..."

When he finished, both Glen and Glenda remained silent for a good minute.

Glenda picked up a stick and pointed it towards the stuffed animal, but Glen grabbed it and broke it in half before it even touched the cat.

"Really, Glenda?!"

"Just checking it's pulse."

"ROWR!" the stuffed animal sprang to life. This made both Glen and Glenda jump. It looked around and then jumped onto Glen's lap.

"Awww..."Glen cooed. "That's a good boy..."

Glenda rolled her eyes.

"This is so stupid. I'm going inside..." Glenda headed for the front door.

Patches started to purr, rubbing up against Glen with utmost affection.

"Now what should I call you...?" Glen pondered as he continued to pet the kitty.

The kitty started to pull at a stitch on his side.

"No, don't do that!" Glen kept him from pulling. "I'm going to have to patch you up if you-"

Glen gasped "I know! I'll call you Patches."

Patches meowed in approval.

Glen picked up Patches and carried him inside.

Glenda watched as Glen walked in the house carrying his animated stuffed animal cat.

"Hey mum, Glenda got a cat without your permission."

"What?" Tiffany demanded.

"You're in trouble now!" Glenda cackled at Glen.

"Shut up, you..." Tiffany moved Glenda away.

Tiffany walked around the corner, out of the kitchen to see what all the fuss was about.

"Meorraor!" Patches meowed contently at Tiffany, purring.

Tiffany dropped her glass of wine; it shattered to pieces.

"Glen, honey! What did you do?!" Tiffany stared at Patches.

"He was hit by a car...I couldn't just let him die..." explained Glen.

"Is his body still out there?" Tiffany folded her arms in a motherly fashion.

"Yes...I'll get the shovel." Glen lowered his head.

"Give him to me, sweetface."

Glen looked at Patches, then at Tiffany. He pulled Patches away.

"...Sweetface...Do I look like I would hurt an animal?"

"Actually...yes!" Glen stated bluntly.

"I've hurt people...not animals. You can trust me."

Glen hesitantly handed Patches to Tiffany. The purring faded. Patches just stared at Tiffany, not sure whether to growl or what...

"What are you?" Tiffany asked Patches, as she looked deep into his plastic pupils. Patches had a variety of different fabrics on his body...and the stitching patterns were similar to that of Chucky's...

"MEEEORRR!"

Patches wiggled out of Tiffany's grasp.

"Fine...sheesh..."

Tiffany walked over to the window to the backyard and watched as Glen buried the original body of Patches.

The doorbell rang.

Tiffany opened the door, signed for the three foot package, and walked over to the living room, shredding the paper off of it. Chucky burst out of the box.

"You're never going to believe what our son just did."

"Dare I ask?" said Chucky, not anticipating good news.

Tiffany just pointed to Patches, whom was sitting on the rug, wagging his little raggedy tail. The moment he saw Chucky, the growling and hissing commenced.

"What...the _fuck_...is that?!" Chucky looked at Patches in disgust, clearly disturbed.

Patches barred his plastic canine teeth.

"Tell Glen to keep that..._thing_ away from me." Chucky said, but continued to stare nonetheless.

There was a pause.

"I actually think it's nice that Glen has a little pet."

"Only I won't be the one cleanin' out the litter box..."

The swaying of Patches' tail became very forceful. He just sat their and growled at Chucky.

"I think that cat hates you, dad..." Glenda snickered.

"Shut up!" Chucky responded.

"MRRRAAAORRR!" Patches flew at Chucky's jugular, biting down extra hard.

"Oh my GOD! GLEN!" Chucky called out, trying to pry the animated, stuffed feline off his neck.

Glen rushed into the house. "Patches! Don't!"

"Get it off me!" Chucky started to flail about, knocking over the coffee table and a couple of lamps.

"Don't pull on him, Chucky! You're only going to make it worse!" Tiffany tried to chase after Chucky. "Hold still."

Glenda was literally rolling on the ground, laughing.

Glen whistled so loud it made everyone jump, including Patches. "PATCHES, GET DOWN!"

He scampered over to Glen, and jumped in his arms. "Patches, NO! You can't do that...not unless he's trying to kill you."

"_Thanks, son_. You're a big help..." Chucky said sarcastically, with a little resentment.

"Well, I never know with you." Glen glared at Chucky, cuddling Patches who was purring like a car engine.

Later that night, Glenda snuck into Glen's room.

That fucking cat...Glenda thought as she opened the door quiet enough.

Patches was standing right there; in front of Glen's bed almost as if he was ready for Glenda about to say "Come at me, brah!"

"Well what do we have here?" Glenda whispered sarcastically. She wasn't taking Patches seriously. ...That...was going to be the biggest mistake of her life.

Glenda tried to catch Patches with her pillowcase by lunging at him. Patches ran between her legs, out the door, down the hall, and down the stairs.

Glenda followed soon after. As soon as she made it downstairs towards the dark living room, she turned on the light:

There stood patches on his hind legs. He was holding a sharp object in his paw.

"What in the bloody _fuck_-" Glenda said to herself. She couldn't believe her eyes. Patches threw a letter opener in her direction and ran into the kitchen.

"Oh HELL no!" Glenda ran in the kitchen after Patches.

As Glenda turned on the light, Patches stood there...holding what looked like a blow dart gun.

"You're not a cat!" Glenda accused Patches.

Patches blew on the blow dart gun; a poisoned toothpick hit Glenda in the neck.

All went black.

What felt like a minute later...had actually been several hours...

_"Glenda...? Glenda? Glenda, honey. Are you OK?" _

Glenda slowly opened her eyes. All was blurry at first...

The first thing that came into view was her mother. And then Glen stepped in...with Patches.

Glenda's eye twitched with insanity.

"You had a pretty nasty fall in the kitchen, Sweetface. Are you feeling alright?"

Patches winked at Glenda.

"That's not a fucking cat!" Glenda yelled.

"Glenda, how could you?" Glen glared at his sister, while petting Patches.

"I'm telling you guys, that's not a fucking animal! It bloody fuckin' tranquilized me."

"She must have eaten some of her daddy's old 'shrooms..." Tiffany turned to Glen.

"I think so, mum...I'm going to bed." Glen turned the other direction, swinging Patches over his shoulder. Patches took out a nail file and started sharpening his nails, purring at Glenda as if to say 'Haha!"

"Soon, cat! Very fucking soon!" Glenda yelled.

The cat took two of its little digits and made an 'I'm watching you gesture.'

Glenda just stuck up her middle finger at Patches.


End file.
